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Thursday, 3 February 2011

My 30s so far!

I have had so many people tell me “it’s downhill from here” this week it’s untrue. I had no fear about turning thirty. None.

It's no secret that I fully plan to grow older in a disgraceful way without fear of recourse or ramification. I have never really feared what people think of me – as can be seen by a number of temporary summer jobs (Sherriff of Nottingham/Guy of Gisborne, ‘Arry the Betfair Arrow) and misadventures (Full Monty!). But judging by the first three days I have to hold my hands up, I was arrogant and wrong. This also proves the point that there is a first time for everything.

Tuesday, day one was perhaps just a mild suggestion of things to come. Simply I managed to mid-thumb the alarm, so I woke up late, just leaving time to grab the obscenely sized cream cakes and actually get to work. A day of little work and long lunch was what the doctor ordered before a quiet birthday family meal. The calm before the storm perhaps.  An absent minded slip first thing though was the tip of the ice berg!

Wednesday was the day of celebrating with the guys. Plans made, rendezvous agreed. Ah the best laid schemes of mice and men.......Work came and went. There is an atmosphere you could cut with a knife at present that I was gleefully unaware of in my birthday stupor resulting in a chainsaw massacre of pointed looks and sharp remarks. Still, it didn’t matter, I was a drive home and shower from heading to the pub for a session with my eclectic group of mates. Tragically Le Car had other ideas. The middle of rush hour, the third of four lanes on a major road and clunk. Le clutch est mort Rodders. 45 minutes sat in accelerating live traffic before police assistance to push m’poor motor off the road followed by another hour and a quarter awaiting the RAC. Another trip to the same garage and a key swap meant three hours to get home in total. Fortunately my wonderful mates came to get me then fed me great company, good cake and sweet, sweet eliquor Jack Danienls.

Thursday managed to cap the lot! Having fought off the warming alcohol infused blanket of sleep i found myelf donned in a fetching medical dressing gown and sports shorts hiding my modesty and awaiting an Xray at the chiropractors. I say hide my modesty but to be honest the shorts were overkill on what was a very cold morning! I took up my position with childish glee, facing front then to the side for my portrait and profile shots. All that was missing was my convict number and a stripy top! All this to finally find out what’s been causing more than a little discomfort. My naive enjoyment of the whole process was given short shrift.

Whilst the words “hernia”, “broken” and “slipped” were kept well away the phrase “unusual for someone your age” and “degenerative” came as far more of a surprise. As always a flood of questions rushed into mind 30 minutes after leaving but it’s a little late. What does that mean? How serious is it? How can I stop it!?!! I managed to get myself into more of a tizz than Madonna in an African orphanage and I’d quickly forgotten my newly adopted assured approach to all things life and beyond this year. I contemplate asking my friend Google but refrain. My mind plays enough nasty tricks on me without giving it any additional ammunition. I know, I’m, a big drama queen but my only trips to hospitals involve visiting so this has got me a little messed up.

Now I sit writing my blog, attempting to drown out the creaking ceiling and pounding bed springs in the room above, things have settled within me. An afternoon chat with the Doc cleared enough things up thanks to calming phrases that it would’ve been good to hear at 8.30am. “It’s nothing unusual, just a little sooner rather than later” and “it may mean a few more trips and treatments before things are quite right”. Don't worry readers it really isn't something to get concerned about, just much ado about nothing.  I in fact cheered myself up with dinner out and a self-gift of a Derek and Clive CD! Brilliance in a flurry of C-Bombs, it can't help but to raise a smile!

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