So, I’ve been seeking the motivation, perhaps the
inspiration to return to a spot of blogging / creative writing for a while. A
few folk suggested a dating blog, which was something that existed briefly some
years ago. Well, this blog post is a little bit about that – but you may well
be disappointed.
I ought also caveat what you’re about to read with the
following - soul bearing ramblings may well not be my strong point. I’m not
confident that I’ve ever tried all that hard to be a fully-open-to-the-elements author of honest content. I’m also not sure if, as you get older, you become more introspective, more
aware or just more inclined to muse openly about any feelings, emotional
roller-coaster moments and the grand journey that is life, at least what we
believe it to be. But I was inspired by reading the blog of a newly acquired
friend this morning, and it was the nudge if not kick up the proverbial that I
needed.
So, I thought that I’d write about dating. Kind of. It may
be a personal thing, or a reflection of modern society though I’d never think
for a second I’m wise or grandiose enough to linger on such a thought for long,
but I have a sneaking suspicion that in my own case the more independent I have
become as a “fully fledged” adult, the more dependent I have also become in other
ways. Let me explain.
The independent thing is easy. I am relatively happy with my
“lot”. I bought my house a couple of years ago now and do you know what, I love
it. I love coming home to my own space, my own mess and invariably the home
comforts of some good food and a comfy bed. Is it perfect? No. But it’s mine.
And after I have finished writing this, I will enjoy a cup of tea, a sausage
sandwich then go and reorganise my garage to how I want it to be after 12
months of pretty much lobbing things in to the far corner. Do you know what? I’ll
feel pretty chuffed afterwards!
What I have found though, conversely, is that I have become a
bit of a self-saboteur in the other parts of my life that should be the
guaranteed positives. The social pressure of being the only single chap in my closest
of circles I’ve found pushing me in to being somewhat of a stereotype of myself,
which becomes a difficult habit to break. I love that disappearing to
university gave me an opportunity to break that circle from my school persona
but in adulting terms I think it’s even harder to say “I’m not going to be that
person anymore”. As the singleton the inevitable questions come relentlessly.
“Who you’re seeing?”
“Don’t you want to
settle down?”
And the ever so special “Why don’t you try <insert dating
app here>? Geoff and Susan met on there and they go married last year.”
Firstly. Congratulations Geoff and Susan. And it’s
marvellous that my friends have met their lobsters, it truly is. But it does
drive an over dependence on the age-old search for “the one” and though they
may not realise it, it’s a pretty exhausting affair both physically and
mentally, which I am guilty of periodically letting get the better of me.
When I look back on the happiest times of the last 12
months, none of them involved dating. None. I spent the start of the summer
pretty much living at the cricket club - playing, supporting, providing Twittery
updates on the “action” much to the delight of some of the younger members and
doing what I could to help coach and mentor. Conversely in January I sacked off
the dating for the most part and spent time with people who brought joy and
happiness to my life. I prioritised how I ought to, and it felt great. Then I
find myself slipping back in to old habits, old dependencies, until I found
myself at a real low recently. I let this happen too often. Far, far too often.
So. Let’s have a reset.
The goal is that spending time with things and people that enhance
my life will come first. And as hard as it will be, the expectations of others
and perhaps, more weighty, myself, well they’ll have to find some other perch
for the time being. Less duty and responsibility to others, more focus on duty
and responsibility to myself. Back to writing, food (be prepared to be fed
should you venture near!), holidays (Galapagos Islands anyone?) and should the weather
allow plenty of laps of the cricket ground in the sun, tea in hand. Nothing
life changing. Just some fine tuning. Plus a return to working on a story / screenplay
that’s been long mooted about a mouse….long short story.
