Fancy a Brew?



Delicious.......

Having started my new job I have been dismayed to learn that nobody in my office drinks proper tea! It’s all green, fruity, twiggy concoctions. Why anyone would want to drink something resembling a mug filled with leaper urine and what is essentially a bag filled with items stuck to a squirrel’s scrotum is beyond me.  I’m not sure how they even function let alone progress to 5pm each day. Furthermore not only is this simply wrong, but it also means that noone makes ME tea!



Being a traditional PG, Yorkshire or Tetley’s man for as long as I can remember my tea consumption has shown unparalleled growth directly relating to the amount of time spent at my desk. Whilst in Local Authority I’d progressed to a hearty six to ten cups a day as each colleague in turn found the urge to meander around the office and take some time out under the auspicious label of “making a brew”. Personally it was almost as though each cup could be my last as tepid leftovers, often full cups, were downed in delightful glee at the prospect of a fresh cup and with it an excuse to raid the biscuit tin of course!

Now I’m left to a few, solitary trips a day leaving me high and quite literally dry for the majority. After a few weeks, I have decided I might see what I’ve been missing so I have dipped my toe cautiously (and very briefly) into the flowerly world of “health” tea. The experience is one that I wanted to share.

After perusing the options I opted for a white tea with elderflower and apricot. By all accounts it was created for my skin - perhaps I’d have been better saving it for the shower. I felt deceived - the smell, good but taste wise I think I’d rather suck a cat. A bitter flavour followed by an after taste that I can only associate to my one effort at wake-boarding. Well, the two freezing, exhausting hours I spent swimming in and drinking the River Trent. I’ve checked since. My skin looks the same. Feels the same. Not only that but the experience has left me irritable and confused about the whole thing!

I’ll hold my hand up and admit that my colleagues have since pointed out that the milk and sugar were unnecessary additions to the brew. Still I am neither convinced nor converted and have come to a conclusion. I wouldn’t ditch my regular cuppa for all the tea in China.