A Disappointing Dating Story

So, I’ve been seeking the motivation, perhaps the inspiration to return to a spot of blogging / creative writing for a while. A few folk suggested a dating blog, which was something that existed briefly some years ago. Well, this blog post is a little bit about that – but you may well be disappointed.

I ought also caveat what you’re about to read with the following - soul bearing ramblings may well not be my strong point. I’m not confident that I’ve ever tried all that hard to be a fully-open-to-the-elements author of honest content. I’m also not sure if, as you get older, you become more introspective, more aware or just more inclined to muse openly about any feelings, emotional roller-coaster moments and the grand journey that is life, at least what we believe it to be. But I was inspired by reading the blog of a newly acquired friend this morning, and it was the nudge if not kick up the proverbial that I needed.

So, I thought that I’d write about dating. Kind of. It may be a personal thing, or a reflection of modern society though I’d never think for a second I’m wise or grandiose enough to linger on such a thought for long, but I have a sneaking suspicion that in my own case the more independent I have become as a “fully fledged” adult, the more dependent I have also become in other ways. Let me explain.

The independent thing is easy. I am relatively happy with my “lot”. I bought my house a couple of years ago now and do you know what, I love it. I love coming home to my own space, my own mess and invariably the home comforts of some good food and a comfy bed. Is it perfect? No. But it’s mine. And after I have finished writing this, I will enjoy a cup of tea, a sausage sandwich then go and reorganise my garage to how I want it to be after 12 months of pretty much lobbing things in to the far corner. Do you know what? I’ll feel pretty chuffed afterwards!

What I have found though, conversely, is that I have become a bit of a self-saboteur in the other parts of my life that should be the guaranteed positives. The social pressure of being the only single chap in my closest of circles I’ve found pushing me in to being somewhat of a stereotype of myself, which becomes a difficult habit to break. I love that disappearing to university gave me an opportunity to break that circle from my school persona but in adulting terms I think it’s even harder to say “I’m not going to be that person anymore”. As the singleton the inevitable questions come relentlessly.

“Who you’re seeing?”

“Don’t you want to settle down?”

And the ever so special “Why don’t you try <insert dating app here>? Geoff and Susan met on there and they go married last year.”

Firstly. Congratulations Geoff and Susan. And it’s marvellous that my friends have met their lobsters, it truly is. But it does drive an over dependence on the age-old search for “the one” and though they may not realise it, it’s a pretty exhausting affair both physically and mentally, which I am guilty of periodically letting get the better of me.

When I look back on the happiest times of the last 12 months, none of them involved dating. None. I spent the start of the summer pretty much living at the cricket club - playing, supporting, providing Twittery updates on the “action” much to the delight of some of the younger members and doing what I could to help coach and mentor. Conversely in January I sacked off the dating for the most part and spent time with people who brought joy and happiness to my life. I prioritised how I ought to, and it felt great. Then I find myself slipping back in to old habits, old dependencies, until I found myself at a real low recently. I let this happen too often. Far, far too often. So. Let’s have a reset.

The goal is that spending time with things and people that enhance my life will come first. And as hard as it will be, the expectations of others and perhaps, more weighty, myself, well they’ll have to find some other perch for the time being. Less duty and responsibility to others, more focus on duty and responsibility to myself. Back to writing, food (be prepared to be fed should you venture near!), holidays (Galapagos Islands anyone?) and should the weather allow plenty of laps of the cricket ground in the sun, tea in hand. Nothing life changing. Just some fine tuning. Plus a return to working on a story / screenplay that’s been long mooted about a mouse….long short story.

A Good Crack at Adulting

So, it's been a while. No. Not like that. Well. Not just like that! Over four years! And let's be honest, the 2014 return was a bit of a token gesture. 

In my writing/blogging pomp six years ago (SIX YEARS!), if you'd call it that, I managed pretty much a monthly post, on top of completing an OU Creative Writing course and managing a Facebook group for like minded writey types. A lot of my blogs were either creative writing snippets or random musings. Then, well, following a change of job - back in to the career I love following a 20 month credit crunch enforced exile - I found a goldmine of excuses that were stopping me from writing.

I didn't have time.
I spent all day, most days, writing in one form or another.
I was working on something bigger than a blog.
Perhaps I lost a bit of that spark.

In the interim I was definitely missing something so I've decided it's time to make time. That and I think, seven years on from my initial musings, maybe I have a different perspective and a different outlook on life.

Yes. I'm adulting. Well, I'm trying. I bought a property, one in which I occasionally bake, read, mow the lawn, plant herbs! I have a career not just a job. My friends are all getting married, having kids, doing, you know, grown up things. OK, I'm still working on those bits! But for the most part, I'm giving it a real go. The missing step I guess, was pointed out succinctly by a taxi driver at the weekend who, until we were almost at my chosen destination, I genuinely liked! Our conversation covered a number of areas, working history (RAF, miner, taxi driver), the issues of people not paying, tips, cars, and then family, all wrapped in his warm, West Indian tones.

He'd been married four times, an old school patriarch, and asked about my own status. No, no wife. No, no girlfriend at the moment either. Children, not that I know of (standard joke in response to that question now - though best not said to anyone under the age of 18 as it brings with it complex questions that are a struggle to answer in a polite way).
"Well, you get to live the high life I bet. All that freedom" he rejoiced, "how old are you?"
"37" I replied.
"Ah, you'd best look to settle down then." came his reply.......thanks!

So I thought that, as well perhaps as the odd bit of creative writing from time to time, I may start to write a little more on just that. Being single, dating and trying my damnedest at adulting as my mid-30s lean alarmingly towards my mid-to-late 30s. We'll see how it goes.

Back in Black......and White

It’s difficult to write nowadays.

There are that many outlets for social media that it’s hard to pass a day without knowing what everyone in the world is thinking. As soon as an opinion is spawned or thought sparks in to life it’s normally there in text for us all to see and be made aware of. I’m not one to Tweet. I rarely have a Facebook status that exhibits my inner most thoughts or outpouring of my joy/dismay at any recent news story. This year I even opted out of a generic “Happy New Year to all” post. My problem with all of this is that really, it’s all a bit predictable and boring.

I am of course delighted to see any friends getting married, engaged, having kids, getting a dog…….even a cat….maybe…..but the rest of it – I’m hungry, tired, fed up with a colleague, annoyed at the sky, frustrated by the rain or any of the rest of it - let’s be honest none of us are really that interested in be it from me or anyone else.

The other issue that I have is that really it makes it hard to write anything fresh. Having been a frequent writer and blogger it all of a sudden got a little bit difficult – what can you say about any event, small or large, that’s not already instantly been written about a thousand times in varying degrees of inane musings? Before you even start to put a piece together any research is muddied and clouded by a tidal wave of information, mostly horrendously un-factual and ill-informed but all burying the detail in a torrent of, well, crap.

So there are a few options left. Either be blooming quick off the mark and become a journalist, beat everyone to the punch and all that. Sadly I feel it may be a little late in the day to engineer that career change from, well, engineering. The other options are to get back in to the creative stuff, which I love and will do at some point, or find other more obsolete things to ponder. Things that are personal but, maybe, may be of enough interest to garner and, hopefully, entertain an audience. We’ll see.

In earnest I suppose this is one of those posts. Something that I doubt will honestly be of vast interest to anyone but it had to start somewhere. Essentially – I am writing…….again! I should’ve just sent a Tweet…….